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2019.12.27 16:56 JosephHumbertHumbert 2019 Year in Review. A look back at TSCC's year that was. (long)

It's time once again to gather our loved ones together, pause this busy world of ours, and spend a few moments reflecting on the church's past year. Soon, we feel a stirring deep in our souls confirming that our holiday eggnog is about to come back up.
How bad was this year for the church? That depends entirely on your tolerance for viewing Mormon mug shots -- which definitely needs to be a drink at a Salt Lake bar. But for now, gird up your loins as we prepare to wade into the depths of TSCC's 2019.
Like Mormonism itself, the following is a mix of fact, fiction, “speaking as a man” personal opinion, and creative liberties with the truth. And just like Mormonism, I don’t bother to tell you which is which.
January
Spouting the refrain "New Year, New You", Repair-It Rusty freshens up the aging endowment ceremony for the new year, making it notably less sexist: women are now allowed to covenant directly with God instead of a husband and are no longer required to veil their faces during prayer. When announcing the changes, Pres. Newsroom apologized for the past sexism in the endowment and asked that we now put it all behind us, where women belong.
With double-digit stake growth every single week and people definitely not leaving in droves, Renlund and Corbridge nevertheless kick off the new year by going on the offensive against church doubters. In a churchwide fireside and BYU devotional, the two general authorities so dismantled the weak criticisms of exmos that it became downright embarrassing for anyone who had been foolish enough to leave the church. Ha ha! No. Renlund and Corbridge were just about to get to the definitive answers but, lamentably, the poor analogies, tired clichés, and gaslighting took up so much time they had to end their talks before getting to that part.
February
At a February devotional in Chicago, Oaks raises eyebrows when he cautions members that "research is not the answer" when dealing with a disbelieving spouse. Although discouraging research is an unusual stance for a former state supreme court justice, Oaks nevertheless urged members to look instead to the example of the church's founder, who -- when faced with his own disbelieving spouse -- wasted no time researching her concerns but simply threatened her with eternal destruction and continued shacking up with younger girls behind her back.
Continuing his U.S. stadium tour, non-Mormon Nelson rents the NFL football stadium in Phoenix, Arizona to implore the members from this dry desert community to stay in the boat -- as apt a metaphor for Mormonism as you are ever likely to find.
Mormons mourn a high-profile death in February when the Spirit of DiscernmentTM dies of embarrassment after leaders fail to discern that a Lehi bishop was moonlighting as a pimp. Seeking to reassure members troubled by the news, Pres. Newsroom repeatedly stressed that the church immediately released the man as soon as they discovered he had not paid tithing on his pimping income.
March
In the mood for some spring cleaning, Repair-It Rusty tosses out the church's verboten internet domains lds.org, mormon.org, and mormonnewsroom.org. While some speculated the church would finally embrace its commercial orientation and begin using lds.com for its primary domain, Pres. Newsroom denied the rumors, and -- noting the church's recent efforts at increased transparency -- announced the church would use the even more accurate lds.con.
After three nerve-racking weeks anticipating their prison walls to collapse -- as described in Mormon scripture -- Russian authorities crack under the pressure and release and deport two Mormon missionaries who had been detained in a Russian jail for illegal proselyting. Church-owned media take great pains to call the missionaries "volunteers" while reporting the story, albeit volunteers who received a mission call, trained in a missionary training center, were governed by a missionary handbook, and supervised by a mission president. "We're baffled why Russia thinks they are missionaries," shrugged Pres. Newsroom, referring further questions to the church missionary department.
Demonstrating careful stewardship over the widow's mite, TSCC flies the entire Q15 and their wives on a boondoggle trip to Italy for the Rome temple dedication. After the 30-person entourage entered the temple, Pres. Newsroom wistfully noted the temple would never see that many people in attendance ever again.
April
In April, Mormons mourn a second high-profile death when the Spirit of RevelationTM dies of embarrassment after TSCC abruptly reverses the Nov. LGBT policy of exclusion a mere three years after non-Mormon Nelson declared it was revelation directly from God. When asked about the suspiciously short lifespan of revelation from an omniscient God, Pres. Newsroom confessed the policy was actually born of a desire to punish the gays but, upon further reflection, the Brethren realized allowing their children to become Mormon was, by far, the greater punishment.
With double-digit stake growth every single week and people definitely not leaving in droves, non-Mormon Nelson nevertheless devotes time in general conference to attack those who leave the church, uttering the menacing threat that if they don't come back to church soon, they won't get to spend eternity with the very people now harshly castigating them for leaving the church.
In an Easter miracle, the Spirit of DiscernmentTM is resurrected with new life, only to die from embarrassment yet again when Sterling Van Wagenen -- producer of the church's sacred temple endowment videos -- pleads guilty to multiple counts of child sexual abuse. Demonstrating that vigilant concern for youth protection the church is well-known for, TBMs pay the Van Wagenen case the same close attention they devoted to his temple videos.
After Cosmo the Cougar and a BYU valedictorian both publicly come out as gay, TSCC undertakes a thorough review of its policy on gays at BYU, and -- troubled by numerous heartbreaking accounts from gay BYU students -- places the entire admissions office on probation for admitting so damn many of them.
May
BYU is back in the news in May when BYU students publicly share abusive and demeaning experiences they suffered as part of honor code investigations. Squirming under public scrutiny, the Honor Code office caves faster than a freshman on Friday night and hastily announces changes to the way honor code investigations will be conducted: female students will no longer be required to give embarrassingly detailed verbal descriptions of sexual encounters, but are now encouraged to submit photo, video, or even pantomime evidence instead.
After decades of denigrating couples who married civilly prior to a temple sealing, TSCC abruptly announces that was all made up and couples who marry civilly can be sealed afterward in a temple with no waiting period. Utah couples immediately begin setting new world records for the number of sex acts committed in a moving car traveling from the civil wedding site to the nearest temple 2.3 miles away.
June
At a June mission president training, Ballard claims with a straight face that church leaders don't know where the practice began of quickly committing investigators to baptism. Exmos denounce Ballard's gaslighting and point to Preach My Gospel -- developed under Ballard's leadership -- which encourages missionaries to extend a baptism invitation as soon as the first discussion. Exmos concede defeat in the argument, however, when Ballard counters that his statement is technically correct (the best kind of correct) because church leaders know missionaries don't bother to read the drivel in Preach My Gospel, much less follow it.
Prior to performing at the Orlando leg of his stadium tour, non-Mormon Nelson meets with the owner of the Pulse nightclub -- scene of a horrific mass shooting of LGBT patrons -- to extend condolences. Two days later -- and only two months after Oaks pleaded for "less contentious communications" on LGBT issues -- Oaks blasts gays, lesbians, and transgender people at a BYU-Hawaii devotional, calling them "a culture of evil and personal wickedness." Afterward, Pres. Newsroom claimed with a straight face that church leaders don't know where the rhetoric comes from that incites people to commit violence against evil LGBT sinners who are going straight to hell, the sooner the better, if you get my drift, wink wink, nod nod.
July
Agents for the Internet Crimes Against Children task force track down a man wanted for the sexual extortion of more than 50 teen girls -- only to find him currently serving a Mormon mission in Mexico. The next day, a gaunt, naked man wearing only a sombrero was found floating face down in the Temple Square fountain. The man would only give his name as Señor Discernment and insisted church security note in their report that he was still dead.
In a historic first, non-Mormon Nelson speaks at the NAACP's annual conference. Representing a church that until last year did not have a single non-white member of its top leadership quorum throughout its 188-year history, Nelson nevertheless promised the NAACP audience that if they could look past the blatant racism in the church's foundational scripture, numerous racist statements from past prophets, and previous official discriminatory policies -- they would see there's a lot more reasons to dislike the church besides that.
August
With TSCC in full panic mode after Starbucks announces it will open a store near the BYU campus, the New Era rushes out an article dispensing emergency advice for members who might accidentally find themselves in a coffee hot drinks shop. The article sternly warns members to avoid unpronounceable foreign-sounding drinks, avoid all "--ccinos", and avoid making eye contact with Satan's Servants, identifiable by their green aprons. Wait, back up...
A year after excommunicating Sam Young for demanding better youth protection guidelines, TSCC rolls out new youth protection guidelines. When asked about the awkward incongruity of excommunicating a man for pushing the church to do the right thing, Pres. Newsroom clarified that Young was not excommunicated because he was wrong on the issue, he was excommunicated because he sat in the wrong color conference chair.
A former Utah bishop and current stake high councilor is arrested in a peeping tom incident in a Nashville dressing room. Although the man's accomplice wife begged the victim not to call the police, the victim -- unfamiliar with Utah custom on handling criminal incidents involving someone with a calling higher than Sunday School president -- contacted police anyway. As police gathered witness statements, a gaunt, naked man wearing only a cowboy hat and boots approached police, gave his name as The Spirit formerly known as Discernment, and demanded they note in their report that he was, in fact, still dead.
September
In September, Repair-It Rusty tries to smooth over the botched repair job of the Nov. 2015 LGBT policy and subsequent reversal when, at a BYU devotional, he informs students that invoking the policy of exclusion and revoking that same policy equally demonstrate God's love. While cynical exmos were quick to condemn Nelson's remarks, I, for one, feel better knowing that all the girls in high school who wouldn't allow me to sit by them at lunch, talk to them in the hall, or ask them on a date were really showing me how much they loved me. I'm kicking myself now for lacking the prophetic insight to properly interpret their actions!
Demonstrating careful stewardship over the widow's mite, non-Mormon Nelson throws himself a blowout 95th birthday bash in the conference center, complete with a countdown timer on lds.org churchofjesuschrist.org, numerous photo and video montages of Nelson's life and career, opera singers, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra, Mormon Church of Jesus Christ Superstar Donny Osmond, and non-Mormon Nelson himself showing off for the crowd by tickling the ivories on a Steinway. When asked how they liked the birthday party, attendees said they had never wished so hard to be Jehovah's Witnesses.
October
Repair-It Rusty spruces the church up for conference by killing off YM presidencies and the structure of the YW organization, and announces women and children can now serve as witnesses at baptisms because they were making up the priesthood requirement all along. Encouraged by the latest baby steps toward equality, women in the church look forward to the day when they will finally be allowed to organize and attend a campout by themselves.
Six months after Nelson the Mafia don threatened family togetherness in the afterlife, Oaks plays good cop to Nelson's bad cop and tells the general conference audience to stop worrying about the afterlife because we don't know much about it, except that gay people won't be there. While the subjects Oaks doesn't know much about could fill entire libraries, we can actually take his word on this one, because being surrounded by assholes like Oaks and Packer for all eternity would be the opposite of Heaven for gay people. Or straight people. Or compassionate people. Or those with common sense. Or simple human decency. Or...
Finally in October, TSCC stirs up controversy when it formally opposes a proposed Utah ban on gay conversion therapy, even though the practice has been shown to be false and psychologically harmful to youth. When questioned on the church's opposition, Pres. Newsroom emphatically declared it was of utmost importance to the church's very survival to prevent a ban on Utah anti-LGBT organizations that have been shown to be false and psychologically harmful to youth.
November
In November, TBMs go ballistic when women and children from a Mormon polygamous community in Mexico are ambushed -- not because women and children were murdered but because the media refers to them as Mormon. Though it seems presumptuous to demand media not use a term to describe a completely different religious group simply because your group rejected the term, Pres. Newsroom clarified the concern stems from the realization that TSCC's poor behavior has made the name so toxic it's best if no one uses it now.
A former Utah stake president pleads guilty to using his church position to steal $1.5 million from fellow church members in a fraudulent financial scheme. During the court hearing, a man dressed as a wolf wearing a sheep costume entered the courtroom, collapsed on the floor, and asked the court reporter to note that he was, in fact, still dead.
Demonstrating that Christlike concern for the poor the church is well-known for, BYU-Idaho threatens to expel any students on Medicaid. After negative press coverage elicits a backlash against the school, BYU-I backs down and allows students on Medicaid to remain on campus, but limits their medical care to administering the two oils: essential and olive.
TSCC updates the missionary handbook with instructions not to fast more than once a month, skip meals, wake up earlier, work longer hours, or sacrifice P-day -- all examples of rules mission presidents have imposed on missionaries in an attempt to exact higher obedience blessings. Pres. Newsroom claimed church leaders don't know where these practices began, but waking up at 5:30 in the morning, starving yourself, and foregoing any downtime sounds like just the sort of thing today's teenagers would come up with on their own.
December
December kicks off with the traditional first presidency Christmas devotional but controversy quickly engulfs the conference center when Eyring approaches the podium and announces -- much to the audience's surprise -- that he is still a member of the first presidency.
TSCC announces that same sex relationships can now be documented in Family Search, but emphasizes this does not change church doctrine that only opposite sex relationships are recognized by God. Because God, who spends all eternity hanging around with two other dudes proclaiming how much they love each other, is confused by two guys spending their earthly lives together.
Two weeks before Christmas, a disturbance mars the Christmastime cheer at City Creek mall when a gaunt, naked man wearing only a Santa hat sits on the mall Santa's lap and tells him that all he wants for Christmas is to finally be allowed -- like Oaks's heart -- to remain cold and dead forever.
Jealous at the attention numerous Mormon lawbreakers received this year, TSCC grabs its own headlines when a former employee at Ensign Peak, TSCC's secretive investment firm, files an IRS whistleblower claim alleging TSCC is illegally sitting on $100 billion in charitable donations, which they claim to be holding for the Second Coming. Local and national media blast the church for their Scrooge-like stinginess in hoarding cash rather than helping their fellow man, thus reminding us all that while it's nice to receive gifts at Christmas, it's much more satisfying to see someone else receive the gift they truly deserve.
And now, hearty exmos, as we look ahead to 2020 and brace ourselves for the new horrors that await us there, do take a moment to gather your loved ones together: you're going to need some help cleaning up that regurgitated eggnog.
Happy New Year!
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2016.01.02 05:05 TheRnegade My experience with Where White People Meet

So there's this billboard advertisement, promoting a site called Where White People Meet. At first I thought "This is Utah, you don't need a website to meet White People, they're all over the place.". I could understand if you were in a foreign country, like Japan or Zimbabwe, a place where White people are quite scarce but if there's one thing Utah doesn't lack, it's Whites and Mormons. But then I started wondering "People always say I'm not Black, so if I'm not that then aren't I white? In fact, if we're ignored mixed race and simply rounding to the nearest whole number, I'm White. I should sign up!" And sign up I did.
So on the website, you're greeted by a white couple, a man hugging a woman from behind, shining their pearly whites. To be fair, that could be advertising any dating site (I hardly ever see a mixed-race couple advert). Then there's the usual form "I'm a ___ looking for a ___ between ages ___ and ___". Oddly enough, when you pick one gender, it automatically fills in the opposite on the next line. And, nope, can't change it. This is "White People Meet" not "White Homosexuals Meet". Though I find it a bit odd since it's also not called "White Straight People Meet". But, whatever. No homos allowed (guess my lesbian fantasies will have to be fulfilled on a different day).
I wanted to know a bit more about this website. I've only read about them in a news article reporting about the billboard. What does this site have to say about itself? Under about us there's one simple link "Reasons to join". I thought the reason would be pretty evident. It's right there in the name. So they outline 3 reasons to join
  1. Choices. "We believe that dating is about choices. You should be able to choose what dating sites you join based on your likes and preferences."
Um, ok. Why should I join your site? Because it exists, essentially. They make it sound like other dating sites force you to date people you won't like (they don't, unfortunately for me).
  1. Cost. "With many plans available starting at an extremely low cost of only $4.00, you can afford to give us a try without breaking your pocket book."
I have to admit, that is a cheap cost to sign up. Not as cheap as free, like OKCupid or even Craigslist is but maybe we're paying for quality (Though for $4 you can get yourself two $2 hookers and, if you're lucky, they might even give you a slight discount if you get them at the same time).
  1. Why Not? "Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You can’t run with the big dogs if you don’t get off the porch. You can’t win if you don’t play….. I think by now you get our point. You can browse for FREE and you can communicate for as little as $4 bucks so give us a try!"
This one isn't so much a reason as it is a concluding paragraph outlining the previous two reasons. Also, I'm pretty sure " You can’t run with the big dogs if you don’t get off the porch." isn't an idiom. I'm assuming they made it up, which explains why they went with the classical gambling saying "You can't win if you don't play" (I edited out the useless .... that made it seem like they were going to write more but said "Ah fuck it, it's 4:30 on a Friday. I'm clocking out".).
Payment:
Before I fork over some money to meet with some white honeys, I should probably figure out what I get for my $4. Like I said earlier, that could get me two nights with two ladies of the night (though the doctor appointment afterwards and penicillin prescription will definitely up that cost by a bit), why should I choose this site over them? Well, signing up and seeing what they offer is free. Just like how it's free to walk into a candy shop. Talking however, will cost you. $4 for 7 days. There are 2 additional options: $14.97 for a month which they claim will save you "$2/month" but it really only saves you 1.03 (to be fair, it's called White People Meet. They probably didn't have any Asians on hand to work out the math for them). The last option is for 6 months at $69 (how clever of them -_- ). They also go on to claim that choosing this option saves you $15. I'm not sure how they get this figure, since if we take the monthly price of $14.97 and times it by 6, it gives us $89.82, which is $20 saved, not $15 (and if we use the $4 for 7 days that's around $104 for 6 months of service). Clearly, math is not White people's forté.
Armed with both the knowledge of why I should sign up and how much it'll cost me, I set off to sign up for my new dating adventure. First I read the terms of agreement which was pretty standard as far as dating sites go though I did find one thing odd. Despite the fact that the site is called Where White People Meet "You may not post, upload, display or otherwise make available Content that: that promotes racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind against any group or individual;". So it looks like I won't be hooking up with any Donald Trump supporters. So, I input my real name, my super secret spy codename (Felman87) and where I live (though when it came to choose a country, the drop-down menu did not have United States at the top. For shame Where White People Meet. For shame!). All that was left was for me to wait for the confirmation email and then log in.
While I was able to log in and change my profile pic and view other members, I couldn't do much else. The problem is the site is incredibly unstable. It's constantly crashing, either from being on a shitty server or it's being over inundated with requests. It seems odd that it would be this unstable and yet feel confident enough to buy an advertisement for a site. It won't even let me pay my membership fee, that's how terrible things are.
So since I can't do anything else, lets take a gander at the members. I input that I'm looking for someone between the ages of 22 and 33 (since I'm 28, that seems about right. Maybe 22 is a bit young but whatever). There's only 12 people "near" me here in Utah. I put near in quotes because I have no idea what the system constitutes near. I'm getting people from Indianapolis and Houston in my search results. I guess when you consider the infinite span of the universe a few thousand miles really is "near". I'm not interested in a long distance relationship though, so I filtered out the non-Utahns. That leaves me with 7 women. Even after all the controversy, the website is really bare. I expected there to be more people, especially since only 2 of these women have had their account longer than a day (and one of those is the website admin, who is a woman).
I'm not sure how serious these last 7 are. The admin says she's not interesting in meeting people. So that leaves 6 others. The oldest among us says she's glad the website exists so she can meet people with similar interests without fear of "other people". She's 22, White and Mormon. I'm not sure why she needs this site, maybe Salt Lake City has descended into a minority hellhole. I haven't visited the city in a few months so it's possible. The other 5 include a random white woman with nothing aside from a picture in her profile. Someone without a profile pic. A black woman looking for a white man because she feels closer to white culture. A woman with only a local "Black Lives Matter" protest pic (it looks like it was taken in SLC. I do believe I recognize the building.) and the last woman is Eva Braun. I guess she and Hitler broke up and she's looking for a rebound.
That's all there is to the site. Judging by the admin's profile, it's been online for at least 4 months and 3 weeks. Half a year and the site looks and feels like it launched yesterday. I can't really recommend anyone sign up for this site. Between the fakes, trolls and handful of real people, your chances of actually going out on a date with anyone is almost 0. Though, if you ever want to know what dating in Utah is like for a non-white person like me, sign up and try getting a date. :P
submitted by TheRnegade to exmormon [link] [comments]


2012.06.06 06:38 tabledresser [Table] IAmA (very) independent filmmaker who recently completed a stoner comedy that I co-wrote/produced/edited. It's been a 3 year process but it's finally available on demand. AMA!

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Date: 2012-06-05
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Link to my post
Questions Answers
Was that really Dog the Bounty Hunter? If so, how did you get him and do you have any crazy bounty hunting stories? That was Dog! We lucked out in getting him on board. The director of the film, Alan Deutsch is also a producer and director on Dog's show so he pulled a few strings and got The Dog to come out to Austin, TX and do a cameo for a day. He was incredibly nice to everyone on the cast and crew and was adamant about us getting exactly what we wanted out of him. And he loves Pepsi. A lot.
What kind of Pepsi? Also, did anybody offer him ice with his Pepsi? If so, did he think they were referring to crack cocaine and give them a speech? Just regular Pepsi in a bottle. Everyone knew better than to offer His Majesty, Dog the Bounty Hunter ice.
Any nudity in it? Abso-lutely.
Will it be on Netflix in the near future? It will be. Sometime this summer.
'Merican only? Or will it include Canadian? Good question, I'm not really sure.
Ok, I'll bite. What's the name of the movie? "Austin High". It's listed on VOD services as "420 Austin High"
Is this a US only service? (I live in the frigid north called Canada) Link to itunes.apple.com
I'll check it out. I like stoner stuff. Reminds me of a less stressful time in my life. Cool, thanks! It's more of a broad comedy that just so happens to include a lot of stoned-ness. More Mel Brooks than Cheech and Chong.
Any advice for independent filmmakers now that you've completed a feature film? Don't shrug off post-production costs. During filming, we were always running into things that cut into our post budget and we did what we had to do to just finish the film. Then we got to post and had very little budget for editing, sound mix/design and music. That's the real reason the film took so long to complete.
Also, next time I'm going to write a more simple story that takes place in only a few locations with a few characters. I loved having all of our actors and set pieces but it was a beast to coordinate and pull off.
Also part deux, don't be a dick to people. They're working for cheap or free to work in the film industry. Be nice.
I would have edited and mixed your audio and did the sound design for free. Independent artists need to help each other out and support the arts. Maybe next time, champ. You're a badass. And I may just be in contact in the near future. :)
Budget? Tech stuff? Camera? Edited on? Budget came it at around 100k. We shot on the Canon 5D and 7Ds. Edited on Final Cut Pro.
How did you feel about using those cameras re battery life? I was thinking shooting on my t2 but dunno should I look around and borrow something else. Battery life wasn't really an issue because so many people on set had Canon products, we always had a few spares to go around. The issue that we kept running into was the cameras overheating. When that happens there's nothing you can do but turn it off and wait in the 106 degree heat for it to cool down.
What about sound equipment? I'm not sure of the exact brand of sound equipment. We used both boom and lav mics and had a field mixer.
Interesting. I've heard of overheat problems but never had it happen myself. I had the chance to work with the 5D mk III and it's awesome as a movie camera. All the crap you have to work around with the mk II, the 7D and the T2i is totally gone. Yea, the mk III is a dream. I wish we had that when we shot.
Did you re-dub all the audio in post production, or was there not enough time/resources/money left in the budget? Or was it a purely artistic decision? We didn't re-dub all of it, just picked up some random spots here and there that were crappy on-set dialogue.
How stoned were you while doing the film? Not very. We were pulling 16-18 hour days almost every day so things were semi-intense. Pre and post production were a different story...
Stoner! Not me.
Wanna be my friend while I'm "stranded" at my parents house in Austin for the next couple weeks? I'll bring snacks... Sure. Wanna play Blazer Tag?
Blazer tag.... do elaborate. It's the biggest laser tag arena in TX. They play techno remixes of the Braveheart theme on repeat. It's not un-fun.
You got a link to the trailer? Link to youtu.be
Got a link to the torrent? I'm sure it'll be torrent-able soon. That's when I know I've made it in this world.
I just IMDb stalked you and saw you were in "Ross McKenzie..." I'm friends with a couple of guys on that picture, we all went to film school together. Small world, eh? It is a small world. I'm friends with AT.
Crazy, I'm good buddies with SK. We've worked in the trenches together on a few things. Thanks for the info! If I wake up in a cold sweat later realizing I forgot a question, could I drop you a PM? Hah. Definitely. I do dream analysis too.
How old are you? What made you want to become a filmmaker? What advice can you give to an aspiring script writefilmmaker like myself? I'm 27. I've wanted to be some kind of entertainer since I was a kid. After realizing I couldn't break dance, I started to mess around with short comedy films around junior high time. Since then that's pretty much all I've focused on.
Only advice I'd give is to write/make your films. I spent a lot of time doing internships and working shitty jobs on set and didn't get too much out of that. It's good to network and meet people but you'll never get the opportunity to make your films if you don't have something to show. Plus, you'll get a lot more respect as someone who's made a film rather than someone who talks about making a film.
That was for show, right? You didn't actually smoke oregano... No we did. It was disgusting. Actors hated us.
Haha that's hilarious. Egg whites and kool-aid flavored weed. Quite a head rush.
Trailer looks awesome! I think I may have to give this a watch. I've always wondered though, what is that weed substitute they use in films? Here's a little vignette with our chosen method of weedery: Link to youtu.be
The trailer looks hilarious! How long have you been into making films and what was the budget for the movie? Thank you! I've been making films since junior high, although they're pretty unwatchable now. I guess I've been serious about filmmaking since college. Budget was around 100k which goes pretty quickly when you start shooting a feature film.
There are a lot of trolls on this subreddit. Not saying I don't believe you, but is there any way to prove you made the movie? I'm no celebrity so no reason for me to lie, but nonetheless, I linked a picture of me in my illustrious cameo role as DJ Tinklesqueez (which can be seen for a split second in the trailer).
Anyway, the movie looks hilarious. I've always thought what it would be like if my friends and I all ended up teaching at our old high school. It sounds like making it took much more time than you expected. What was it that made it take so long? Thank you! It took so long because of our restricted budget. The whole "fast, good or cheap and you can only pick one" saying was very true. We had to pull in favors at every stage of production so we couldn't rightly give hard deadlines to our friends that were doing us a kindness. We also did a shitload of test screenings to make sure that our jokes were hitting their marks.
Would it upset you if people torrent your movie rather than paying for it? Upset is a strong word. I would prefer that they purchase it in some form or fashion so that we can make our investor his money back and continue to make films. BUT, if it were between not watching the film at all and torrenting it, I'd prefer people get to see it somehow. I torrent things myself, mostly when I'm not able to find something or when the distributor withholds the release of something (GoT). That being said, let's torrent things like Battleship and throw the indie guys a bone!
even torrent the movie as a measure of judging the quality of the movie before going out and purchasing it? I'm not opposed to that. There's a lot of shit out there.
I just smoked is this movie on Netflix, HuluPlus or some shit? It will be on Netflix very soon. Netflix doesn't give the best deals to the independents.
I've always wondered how that worked. Do you get a cut for every view or is it like a renter store where they just pay a larger amount up front? No cut per views. They basically put the film on their site with the "save" function on. Then based on how many people add the film to their queue, you got one flat fee for a certain agreed-upon amount of time. It sucks. I'm not sure how disc rentals work on there but Instant sucks for filmmakers without an established name or marketing campaign.
Cool movie! Or so I think from the trailer! Do you have any ideas for your next movie? Thanks! I do. And it sure as hell won't take place in a high school.
Why, what's wrong with shooting in a high school? Any stories to tell? Nothing wrong with it. It was just incredibly difficult to shoot an R-rated comedy in a state-run high school. Then when we finally found someone cool enough to let us, there was the problem of filling it with high school aged kid extras whose parents didn't mind them being in a comedy that glamorizes drug use.
Hehe sounds cool, what genre? Comedy/horror.
Together? Like an Evil Dead/Army Of Darkness kind of thing? Yea. I pray it's in the same realm as those.
How can i watch your movie being in the netherlands? i never used itunes and i don't plan to, any other options? We should be on Netflix and Amazon later this summer. Otherwise, you may have to take to the high seas...
I don't have cable. Is there any place on the internet that I can watch it that won't be taking money out of your pocket? Is it available on your site? Is it available on Amazon Instant? edit - don't direct me to iTunes. I refuse to put that bloatware piece of crap on my computer. Hahah. I appreciate that but we don't have our own distribution outlet at the moment. Amazon Instant is coming soon, as is DVD and Blu-Ray through Amazon.
How hard is it to actually make a profit in the independent world? Any ideas for future films in the making? Well, this is my first foray into the feature film world but I have a lot of friends who have been in it for a while and it's pretty difficult. The studios and distributors don't want to make or release anything that doesn't have a big name attached or is already a viable property (comic book, reboot, toy). But, Video On Demand is changing some of that. It's getting easier to secure a release with VOD and if the film's budget is kept low then making a profit is less daunting. We'll see how this one goes. It's been out on VOD for a couple of months but we haven't heard anything from the distributor about what kind of numbers it's done. Fingers crossed. The real goal is to just make the investor back his money so I can continue to make more films.
I've got a few ideas in the works.
How do you go about finding investors? We actually found our investor at Burning Man. That's a good place to start I guess.
How did you get your start? What advice do you have for film students who are trying to follow their dreams like you are? I got my start out of film school as a post-production dude at a video game publisher. Did a lot of editing and a little bit of shooting.
Keep at it. Get around people who know what they're doing and watch and learn. If you want to write or direct, do that as much as humanly possible. That's more important than going to film school.
What was the hardest part of the shoot? The hardest part of the shoot was just getting it all in the can. Because of our restricted budget we had to cram in a lot of things to a short period of time. We had about 35 locations and close to 100 featured roles and 19 days to shoot it all. Dumb.
Also, there is a rally at the end of the film that was particularly hairy. We were trying to sell it as a jam-packed, city-wide event but getting extras to come stand out in the 100+ Texas heat for no dough was difficult. It was an exercise in camera wizardry to fill the frames with our same 50 extras. Hope that doesn't ruin the illusion if you choose to watch the film!
I was able to find a torrent for this surprisingly enough, but me once being an aspiring filmmaker i could not make myself do it. 10 dollars to you good sir! But for the AMA part. How did you get started in film making? I've been making films for a good portion of my life but sort of got serious about it when I went to film school. I made a few films during school and did a lot of internships at local production companies and on sets. Then I broke off and did my own thing. Started a production company called Beef & Sage with a very funny man named Will Elliott, where we made a bunch of comedy shorts. www.beefandsage.com.
How did you keep yourself motivated in the early stages of trying to become what you are now? I just have a crippling fear of failure that my parents instilled in me at an early age and that has kept me motivated. Also, watching funny or great films is a big inspiration to try to make great work.
Duuude! This looks awesome!! What was your favorite part to shoot? We shot at a place called Hippy Hollow. It's a nude beach here in Austin. That was really fun.
I didnt know they had nude beaches in Austin! Sounds cool! Can't wait to watch it! Yea, but beach probably wasn't the right word. It's more of a rocky cove out on Lake Travis. Lotta naked old men.
Holy shit was that Dog The Bounty Hunter?? 'twas. His first feature film role!
Does this have the token sexualization of women and treating them as one-dimensional fuck objects? Yes, women are sexualized in the film but so are men. Intrigued? I think there are a enough strong female characters in the movie to even out the hyper-sexualized ones that were shown off in the trailer.
Edit: Still looks fucking awesome, don't know why I felt the need to ask a cynical question. Just waiting for the downvotes now. "Dinosaur eats man, woman inherits the Earth."
Trailer looks great, how was it working with Dog? Dog was a badass. He had just come from doing something with George Clooney (not sure what but I want to see it). He told us a story about how he asked Clooney if he had any advice for him. Clooney told him, "Just go for it." And he definitely did. He was at full intensity every time he was on camera and we could all tell he was having a blast. He's a good man.
If you had a chance to make the movie over again, what would you do differently? I would write a more contained story that didn't take place in a high school. We had way too many locations for our budget and securing a high school for an R-rated stoner comedy in Texas was quite difficult. That was the only location that was really hard to lock down but oh was it hard.
I also wouldn't shoot in June.
Looks like a good film to watch while baked. Is it available to watch anywhere else other than itunes? I'm from the uk I don't know if that makes any difference. I'm pretty sure you can still rent from iTunes in the UK. Currently it's just available on there and US Cable On Demand services like Time Warner and Comcast. You'll be able to get it from Amazon and Netflix soon though.
for the film in general. do you as a group expect to make your money back? or did you go into it assuming you wouldnt. We are hoping that we can make our investor his money back. There's a slimmer chance of us making any profit but yea we didn't go into the film with that as an expectation or even goal.
***** Question (rsmoot): You got a link to the trailer? Answer (kijo524): ** Link to youtu.be. ***** (continued below) Y'all gotta ask the hard hitting questions!
Did your investor expect to make it back Yes.
How large was your crew? AND what'd you do for craft services? (By the way, awesome looking movie.) Crew was around 30 people. We had a few food donations, very friendly friends who cooked often and a few of our Moms came in town and made their finest.
How can i go about watching this? It's available right now on iTunes and almost all the cable VOD providers.
Link to itunes.apple.com
Are you a mariuhana consumer? Would be awesome. From time to time.
How does one "Direct" dog the bounty hunter. I mean its reality TV so what does the director do? He's basically in charge of piecing together each episode's story in post. And tells him how to wear his hair.
Trailer looks fuckin awesome!! I want to toke up and watch this so bad. Where can I find it? Link to itunes.apple.com
But... but... I have Zune! It's also available on most Cable networks On Demand. Check!
I am thinking of doing the same thing as you. Do you have any advice for those about to embark on the same journey? Find a girlfriend who is very supportive and patient.
Don't sit around and over think things. Just do it. Learn from your mistakes and keep making them until you win an Oscar. I'm still pretty green and don't know what the hell I'm doing most of the time. Fake the funk.
I want to be a director after high school and college. Can you give me some tips on what I should do? Start making films using whatever equipment you have. It takes some time to exorcise the shit from your system. I'm still getting shitty films out of me.
Are there DVD/Bluray pressings available for physical purchase? This movie seems right up my ally and I'd rather not give 30% to iTunes, plus I'd love to watch this with some friends. Not as of now. They should be available on Amazon in the next couple months. Or if you live in Austin, I'll hand deliver one.
What did you shoot on? We shot on the Canon 5d and 7d.
Can I just pay you $15 for the movie? Sure! PM me with your info.
Who is that handsome bearded guy?! He's a total babe Byron Brown.
Lesbians and big ass joints? im in. Godspeed!
Quentin tarantino?! Yep, it's me QT.
Did you guys use any real weed when filming? Here and there.
You might want to stop in on /trees and say hello. I did! Bring the ruckus, Ents.
How much did making the film cost you. Me, personally? I'm not sure but I definitely haven't made any money on it.
Looks fucking great man, I'm going to watch it now. I really appreciate that.
Catnip also looks like weed. Maybe next movie you can have your actors smoke catnip. Then we may have a bath salt situation on our hands...
Copy the URL (or the body of your post) and submit a link (be sure to add [x-post from /IAMA] to the end of the title) to /trees. Should look like this. Hope it helps! Link to www.reddit.com
Ok, I just paid $15 for your movie on itunes. Now you have to at least watch mine!. It cost me about $3000 not including camera or software. Shot on FX7 using FCP took 1.5 years. EDIT: proof! You da man! I'll return the favor. FX7 is a damn fine camera.
The Doritos guy strikes again! O_O. Byron Brown (Doritos guy) plays a pretentious pedicabbie in the film. He's amazing.
#1 reason I want to see this movie is because of the Doritos Guy and definitely not the weed. Good! His comedic performance is more impressive than any buzz.
How do you support yourself and your projects as a filmmaker. Freelance shooting, editing and panhandling. I cut a lot of video game trailers and never pass up an easy, soul-sucking corporate gig to pay the bills.
I'll watch that... Do it!
Watched this on demand a few weeks ago. Highly recommended. Thaaanks!
I hate my cable provider on most day, today....today is a special level of hate. I wanted to check out your movie but, nope, not available. Dammit. Write your local congressman.
Looks great! Wondering how many of the cast/crew were paid and how many were volunteer, and how you went about casting this (auditions, friends, etc). I'd say 80% of the cast/crew were paid. Most of them though were paid well below the rate they deserved. Others were paid on a deferred basis which meant half then, half if/when we recoup our costs. So, they were sort of taking on chance on that second half of the payment. We did have some PAs, Grips and Extras as well that were volunteer. The real heroes.
Casting was a lot of people that we had worked with in the past. A couple of the roles were written with local actors in mind. Then we did casting for about 15 other roles through auditions with a casting director.
I was going to see that with the NORMAL group at my school. Too bad the tugg company fucked up big time and sent the wrong film...a religious documentary .....so they are setting up a screening in the fall! Holy shit! Really? Was this in Boston?
I was dabbling around and found it on iTunes for $4 to rent or $10 to buy. Seems good enough that I'll be renting it. Link to itunes.apple.com
This actually looks bad ass. Watching it tonight! Hope you enjoy it!
Composer here! Let me know if you ever want to collaborate: www.sashaszlafarski.com. Awesome stuff! I like the "Magicians" Trailer song. I've got your info now.
Oh man I lost it when the Grimy Styles kicked in on the trailer! Love em. ATX here. I can't believe I haven't heard of this movie yet, but I'll have to check it out soon. Nice! I'm a huge Grimy Styles fan too and they've been ultimate badasses about letting us feature their music. If you're in ATX, it's available on DVD at 420 Spot.
Oh, a stoner comedy....how original... I think you should give it a chance.
Oh, a love story....how original... Oh, a comic book movie...how original...
Can we please keep the questions to your other movie, Rampart? Say what?
I just watched the trailer and it took you 3 years to make that? I could've made a better movie sitting on my shitter. Cool! Send me a link to your movie when you're done and I'll give it a watch.
Last updated: 2012-06-09 23:15 UTC
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submitted by tabledresser to tabled [link] [comments]